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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Idiots of the Opera

It was supposed to be a great evening at the Twin Durians watching the Phantom of the Opera. Great acoustics, I must say......

But my enjoyment was marred by many species of Idiots (please notice the capital 'I').

Idiotus Skoolkeeds:
I feel like suing the Twin Durian Establishment for allowing same-day ticket sales for students and real theater-goers. I was very irritated by the incessant banter from secondary schoolchildren (or were they tertiary 'kids'?). Kids will be kids and they were making so much noise and not behaving themselves. Should we blame the school for being responsible? Or should we blame SISTIC for allowing school excursions to be mixed with the true theater crowd?

Idiotus Brightbacklit:
I know there are verbal announcements to turn off handphones during performances, AND THAT MEANS YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SMS AS WELL! And do you know why? Coz your bloody backlit display is bloody bright and it irritates the shit out of every one around you! And yes, it's so damn bright, I can even see the wallpaper picture of your pet shih tzu even when you're 5 rows in front of me! I feel like hunting down your shih tzu and then I'll.... I'll castrate the stupid dog! And it's all because of your inconsiderate insistence on SMSing during the Phantom of the Opera!

Idiotus Pygmy:
This is a mild variant of the Idiotus Skoolkeed. They are young and nubile and they wear very sexily. Perhaps it's the 'prestige' of a world-class musical (but it isn't. Thanks to these idiotus) and they feel the strong need to wear something very glamorous, almost as if they're attending the Academy Awards. Alas, their clothes probably belong to their mothers, grandmothers, aunties or elder sisters - coz they don't fit.

Idiotus Smile-n-snap:
Another variant of the Idiotus Skoolkeed, this species will take every opportunity to fill up their built-in digital cameras with pictures, movie-clips and audio recordings of musicals, ordinary scenes, and farts. The theater authority already has policies to ban these species, but it is hard to identify them.

Idiotus Ah-sher:
This species actually reside within the Twin Durians. In fact, they are very hardworking and are usually very polite, very friendly. Their main prey is the Idiotus Smile-n-snap. Once spotted, a very unfriendly, firm, and aimed-to-embarrase "DO NOT TAKE PHOTOS IN HERE!" will bellow from the sphincter of the Idiotus Ah-sher. They thrive on such sudden attacks. It makes me wonder if photography is really NOT allowed within the theater. I can understand the distraction of flashes during performances (see Idiotus Brightbacklit), but what is the rationale behind not being allowed to even take a picture during the interval?

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