Join Me for Next Training

New Year Resolution for 2008: Swim faster, Run longer, maybe return to cycling.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Thing That Floored Ironmunn

Great. This is gonna be Spoiler Alert. I know exactly what destroyed Tony Starks. Alright maybe not. But I'm very sure what floored Ironmunn when he was watching Iron Man last evening!

Dang! It was the guy sitting next to me. Let's call him 'TOF'. Sounds villian enough? TOF stands for The Oral Farter. His breath (oh God have mercy) can paralyse anyone within a 10m radius. Trust me, it's been tried and tested at the cinema near you.

Every move TOF made, his breath reeked of gum disease. Small jokes during the movie? TOF's giggles could send the film censors to rethink the rating for Iron Man. Yes, PG means Periodontal Gum-disease, and not Parental Guidance (although parental guidance is strongly advised - Please teach your children to brush their teeth!).

Yours truly, The one and only Ironmunn, writhered in silent agony. I was hoping so bad that the guy up at the movie projection room would stop the screening and put on an ad for Chlorets or at least Mentos. Dammit, if projector room guy had a Baygone or Sheltox commercial, all the better!

The Breath was so bad that I was mistaken to be the culprit. Indeed, JQ thought that it was ME who had the sudden case of rotten teeth probably caused by the acidic reaction of an earlier meal of thai green curry and sambal kangkong. Alas, it wasn't me coz TOF was overpowering. Yes, The Breath actually permeated through the fabrics and every other molecular cell within me, and hit JQ hard on her face!

I just sat on my 4th row seat fixated by an invisible epoxy made up of peripheral bad breath molecules that chemically bonded with stale cinema air. Heck, I couldn't even fall asleep during boring scenes!

TOF was so powerful that the left side of my face felt as if it was melting after being shot by ammunition from Stark Industries. Sure, someone tell me about Virtual Reality!

On several occasions, I thought I had garnered sufficient taiji energy to vaporise TOF into a heap of rotten cinema popcorn. Then I remembered that stale popcorn smelled like.... well... stale popcorn. At other times, I just felt like shouting at TOF to redeem his cinema ticket for a lifetime supply of Colgate and Phillips Electric toothbrushes. Yeah, and then set TOF on a wild goose chase. Can you imagine a ordinary looking man running around the mall and asking people for directions to the Colgate and Phillips redemption point... yeah, and dig the fact that here's some dude with excruciatingly caustic breath asking for toothpaste?

TOF ought to be banned from cinemas. No... wait. He should be annihilated by The Justice League. Darlie toothpaste should work with major disinfectant companies to produce anti-TOF agents to prevent offspring of TOFs.

At the end of the day, The Oral Farter won. How did he impact the world? The Ironmunn felt so sick after the movie that he actually rushed to the toilet. Yep, you guessed it: The Breath was so horrific that it induced the Ironmunn to purge!

Someone's gotta save the world from TOF! Help!

No comments: