The Mother-of-all News Report on Mas Selamat

Talk about anti-climax!



Please tell me it's an excuse for media blackout. First, the authorities only released information - a crucial 4 hours later - that Mas Selamat escaped from a 'high-security' detention center. The information given then was that 'Mas Selamat Kastari walks with a limp'.



So all responsible citizens of Singapore, pledging themselves as one united People, regardless of race, language or religion, got all hyped up about the search for the fugitive leader of the JI terrorist group. Everyone peeled their eyes for any limping suspect.



100 hours later (or just about 4 days after the infamous Toilet Break), the authorities revealed that the Mas Selamat dude only has a limp when he walks briskly or when he runs. Well, thank you very much Mr Policeman, now our 4 days worth of the Elimination Process does not work anymore! What ever happened to our first glances and quick scans for limping people? Don't tell me the authorities received a telephone call from Mas Selamat saying, "Oi, idiots. You set people to look for a limping man? HAHAHAHAHA... bladdy imbeciles! I only limp when I run or walk briskly lah! Please try again!"



Back to the drawing board, and every Singaporean who's building a democratic society that's based on justice and equality, is trying damn hard to remember and recall if they encountered a non-limping person that vaguely might be 1.6m tall and perhaps donning a moustache and/or goatee.



Meanwhile, someone from up there in the public sector confidently says that Mas Selamat is still in Singapore. Yet even the Malaysian and Indonesian police are already hot on his trail. Oh... and the Interpol is involved too. How globalised. Probably tipped off by Mas himself on another phone call, "I'm still in Singapore lah. Try Bukit Batok Nature Park. You may find me feeding the monkeys."



Couple of days later, another piece of news from the police to the public. Man, this is becoming like a 10-course wedding dinner! What's the news after 1 week since Mas escaped? Geez... it was on the clothes he might have worn. Reason for releasing the news 1 week later? So that the public can look out for his discarded clothes. Does the police think we are so damn free to ransack laundromats, the Sharity donation box, and my neighbour's lingerie drawer? WHAT IS THE BLOODY USE?!?!?! I wonder if the authorities have tried searching for his underpants in the deep jungles of the Amazon. After all, 1 week is all it takes to get there, right? (or maybe they could just try amazon.com... more luck there)



I have this strange feeling that the police doesn't want us Singaporean citizens achieving happiness, prosperity and progress for the nation. It reminded me of the time when I had the accident in M'sia which left my hand broken in pieces. The doctor there told me, "You have compound fractures on your left hand and we need to work on it immediately..... but our operating theater is closed today. You might have a slot tomorrow depending on the queue." Indeed... WHAT'S THE POINT!?!?



So what's the latest news on Mas? Someone still says he's in Singapore. But we haven't heard any more news of Manhunt 2008 for the past few days. So silent.



Perhaps it's because of the Mother-of-all News Reports here: Mas Selamat can hold out indefinitely: experts. Win already! It's like saying he'll be on the run forever, so no need to report anymore.... now let's get back to news on Edison Chen (or something like that). In any case, what 'experts' are they referring to? Someone who claims that we can eat IGUANAS in Singapore? I've said it before and I'll say it one more time: THERE ARE NO IGUANAS IN SINGAPORE!



Experts... yes... just like the 'expert' fugitive sniffers from the police. Maybe they're thinking of hiring foreign talent to search for Mas (hint: get the cast from CSI Miami). I'm sure they'll know more about Bukit Batok more than any heartlander in Singapore.