How NOT to Pick Up Girls...

Call it fortunate or unfortunate (depends on your leanings), I was hit on today by someone whom I think is gay. No he wasn't the ultra-broken-wrist-sashaying-ass kind of ahkua, but he looked quite decent. The only hint of him being from 'the other side' was his subtle linguistic mannerism - the overly-emphasized 's' sound and endless tai tai banter on everything under the sun.

Sidenote: Tai tai banter is very different from taxi driver talk. Taxi driver talk has objectivity and taxi drivers are well-read professionals. Tai tai banter makes no sense no matter how professional they try to sound. For example "Aiyoooh... I heard this year maybe general election leh. My neighbour husband hor... say that PAP sure win one leh." See what I mean? They make DUH! statements and they refuse to take responsibility when they speak hence arrowing the neighbour's husband as a scapegoat.

But I digress....

Anyway, this ahkua kept asking me mindless questions. Oh, by the way, I was at the hair salon getting my monthly haircut so I was kinda restrained in that sense. I tried to seem uninterested by looking through magazines but they were all in japanese anyway. Bummer. So our dear ahkua friend (AK) kept firing questions at me.....

AK: Eh... so.... you look sporty leh. What type of games you play ah?
CM: (tries very hard to browse through the jap magazines)
AK: I guess correct right? You play games alot right? You also quite tanned leh... You must play tennis
CM: (for a moment, CM thought he said PENis. Looks kinda disturbed)
AK: yah lah, you play tennis lah.
CM: Erm, nope. I don't play TENnis.
AK: Then you go gym is it?
CM: No I don't go to the gym I cannot get a tan from the gym. I just exercise outdoors lah. (I think I sounded rude enough)
AK: You know how to read japanese huh?
CM: No, I don't usually talk to people while the hairdresser is cutting my hair. I don't know how to multitask.
AK: Never mind, later we go for coffee lah.
CM: It's okay, I need to work.
... ...

There you see it. I was IRRITATED. I'm not gay-bashing here. It's just that a thought came to me after AK sensed that I was not interested in his mindless banter. Sometimes, we guys also ask really stupid questions when we try to pick up girls. I've had my fair share of rejections in my dating lifetime. Maybe that's how the girls perceived us when we try too hard to make conversation.

Lesson learned today: If you wanna chat up girls with pick-up lines, just think carefully before you ask stupid questions - similar to questions that ahkuas might ask you to irritate the shit out of you.